Leader 2 Leader Blog

Uncontrollable Conditions

As I read Jansen’s story, I had an epiphany: Leaders don’t get to choose the conditions in which their teams operate. If we did, there wouldn’t be pandemics, staffing shortages, or indoor recess days. There’s a long list of things we can’t control, and we can often expect criticism simply for showing up to work—much less trying to support teachers, teams, and instructional shifts.

We don’t determine state standards. We don’t decide when there’s a national mental health crisis. But we aren’t
powerless in any of these areas, either. In fact, the opposite is true. With every challenge and change that comes our way, there is one thing we get to choose, and it might be more powerful than everything else combined. No matter what challenges you and your team face, you always get to choose who you want to be. 

To be clear, you aren’t going to be Brené Brown, Michael Jordan, or anybody but yourself. But you can try to be your ideal self, even when it’s not easy. Being the person you aspire to be is not something that just happens, especially when you’re in the pressure cooker people call the principalship or any other school leadership position. Being who you want to be takes intention.

Here are a few questions that might help you decide who you want to be:

• Who do you want to be when your to-do list is exploding and you feel like you don’t have time to breathe?
• Who do you want to be when you’re on the receiving end of unfair criticism, harsh feedback, and hurtful
  and/or anonymous comments on social media?
• Who do you want to be when you’re facing significant budget cuts and still need to create some semblance of a positive culture?

In my new book, Overcoming Education, I share five leadership fluencies to help educators navigate complex challenges, difficult people, and change. But this article focuses on the most important one: Deciding who you want to be and aligning your words and actions with that decision. This could be the most courageous thing you ever do as an educator.

You might think you’re already doing this, but the effort takes more than just showing up to work and saying that “relationships matter.” It involves daily practice and a lifelong journey of committing and recommitting to who you want to be, then taking small and intentional steps toward that ideal version of yourself. 

Reflecting on Who You Want to Be

Many educators already prioritize relationships. We care about results, as well. But here’s a 30-second exercise from the book to help you reflect on precisely where you see yourself leading on the continuum between relationships and results.

Take a second to place yourself on this continuum. Draw an “X” where you think you are, or make a mental note. Reflecting on where you see yourself on the continuum and why it is important, but think for a moment where other people see you. Their perception matters, too. It is a measure of your effectiveness, impacts culture, and serves as a foundation from which everyone approaches change.

Here’s some more food for thought:

12 to 14 percent: In a study conducted by James Zenger in 2007, leaders perceived as having “strong” social skills such as communication, empathy, and relationship-building had only a 12 percent chance of being viewed as great leaders. Those who were perceived as “strong” in their ability to get results had only a 14 percent chance of being viewed as great leaders.

72 percent: However, leaders who were perceived as “strong” in both their focus on relationships and in getting results had a 72 percent chance of being viewed as great leaders—significantly more than the 12 to 14 percent chance of those perceived as leading from one strength or the other.

<1 percent: But here’s the kicker: A separate study conducted by Management Research Group showed that being “who you want to be” as a leader is not easy. Researchers found that less than 1 percent of bosses were rated highly from the standpoint of both results and relationships. Less than 1 percent!

We might think the choice to focus on both relationships and results is obvious. But the task isn’t easy—nor is it easy for other people to recognize when we’re trying to lead for relationships and results. My advice: Engage in dialogue with your team often about each of these priorities, and co-create a path forward that celebrates meaningful progress and improvements in both areas along the way.

The Emotionally Intelligent Leader

Deciding who you want to be involves more than choosing between relationships and results. If you want to lead alongside people who feel motivated instead of disrespected and undersupported, you’ll appreciate a 2024 study examining the connection between emotional intelligence and educator well-being.

The study involved more than 4,800 educators from 48 states and Canada. Participants were asked to provide words to describe how they felt about working in their school. The Venn diagram on the following page shows some of the most frequent responses.

You can see from the center section of the diagram that both groups of educators experienced a range of emotions—from busy and anxious to energized, hopeful, and proud. Perhaps you and the educators you work with can relate to some of these feelings.

However, respondents also reported distinctly different feelings. The left side of the diagram shows educators feeling disrespected, angry, and unsupported; the right side shows feelings such as motivated, grateful, and enthusiastic. Remember, the study wasn’t about individual educators; it was about leadership.

When educators perceive their leaders as having higher emotional regulation and support, they feel better—a lot better—about their experiences at school. When leaders are perceived as having lower emotional regulation and offering little support, their teams feel worse.

Deciding who you want to be isn’t just a personal decision; it impacts the well-being and culture of the entire school. Be intentional with this choice and talk about it often. But be open to feedback, so you can make adjustments when others are not experiencing your leadership in the ways desired. Do your part to create the conditions in which others can do their jobs without burning out, giving up, or transitioning out of this incredible profession.

Hope Is a Strategy

There have been times in my leadership journey when situations, relationships, meetings, and people left me feeling pretty hopeless. When this happened, people weren’t always showing up as their ideal selves—myself included. This can make change difficult to achieve.

But it is possible to help people move forward, even when they’re stuck. You must be a leader who understands how hope impacts the brain, so you can co-create hope with the people you serve.

Swiss neuroscientist and mediator Olga Maria Klimecki-Lenz studies how the brain controls feelings to help people get along. Her work with people experiencing war, conflict, and other hostile conditions suggests that emotions such as hope can help get people unstuck.

Participants in her study were asked to think about their future for one minute; a control group was asked to think about random animals. After these interventions, each group played a game with other people. The participants who had reflected on the future were found to be much more helpful than the people who thought about animals.

Thinking about the future can positively influence people’s situations. I’ve used this strategy at the beginning of meetings, inviting participants to think about the future we want to create as a result of our time together. People say hope is not a strategy, but I think they might be wrong. Being a leader who co-creates the future is not an insignificant thing.

Building a Super-fluency

Deciding who you want to be is a leadership super-fluency you can access anytime you and your team are trying to navigate change. Here’s how to get started:

• Lead for relationships and results. One without the other won’t move your school closer to the promise of all students being successful.
• Help others experience school in a more positive and empowering manner. Focus on your own emotional regulation and the support you can provide.
• Lead with hope. Reflecting on the future can help people get unstuck. It’s also a way of being that is within your control.

That brings me back to the story of Danny Jansen. I’m sure changing baseball teams midgame wasn’t easy. There’s a good chance he needed to uproot his family or say goodbye to friends when making the move from Toronto to Boston. Change is seldom easy, and it can often be overwhelming. But making a difference as a school leader doesn’t have to be—if you focus on who you want to be before deciding what to do.

Brad Gustafson is an NAESP National Distinguished Principal, author, and speaker.

https://www.naesp.org/resource/choose-your-best-self/